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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684023">Family ?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldProf1942/pseuds/OldProf1942'>OldProf1942</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elementary (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:34:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldProf1942/pseuds/OldProf1942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The denizens of the newly refurbished Brownstone reflect on the interesting assemblage that makeup their ersatz family.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Family ?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <ul>
<li>Clyde: "Hey guys, we're home! I know we've been back here for over a month. But they finally moved us back together."</li>
<li>Bob: "By golly, you're right."</li>
<li>Angus: "It looks the same. I thought they were going to redo the place."</li>
<li>Clyde: "They did you nitwit, it was a restoration. That's why we stayed at that all white place they called the safe house.<br/>
I don't think the painted one did a very good job repairing your head"</li>
<li>Angus: "He did the best he could considering one piece was smashed to dust. I've got this really annoying buzz in my head.<br/>
I just wish I could get rid of this sticky sensation between my ears."</li>
<li>Bob: "Oh, complain! complain! complain! At least you don't have the painted one whacking you on the forehead all the time and calling it your 'pate'!</li>
<li>Angus: "Me? Complain? Hey, that little one with the black hair, used me as a club to smash that guy with a gun.<br/>
I know that was a long time ago, but at least the painted one tried to fix me. Otherwise I'd have ended up in the dust bin.<br/>
I've never been quite the same since."</li>
<li>Bob: "Well, that little one is really fierce, she attacked me with a metal stick that gets longer when she flicks it toward the ground.<br/>
I mean, she whacked me every which way you can imagine. She even jumped in the air, spun around, and kicked me!<br/>
And if that wasn't enough, she put on gloves and tried to punch the stuffing out of me. Once, when we were staying at that all white place,<br/>
she hit me so hard, she knocked me over. And to add insult to injury, she jumped on and straddled me (I actually found that rather exhilarating)<br/>
but, with a wild look in her eyes she continued beating me with her fists. The painted one came into room and exclaimed,<br/>
'I say Watson, what are you about?' she jumped up, turned toward him and said, 'Don't you give me any trouble!'<br/>
The painted one turned on his heel and promptly left. Then the little black haired one turned and kicked me while I was flat on my back.<br/>
She fights dirty!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Well, the nicest one is the tall blonde, she's called Ms Hudson. She always wears the nice clothes and pearls. She keeps everything clean.<br/>
She's the one who keeps you dusted, Bob. She feeds me the special food that Sherlock, he's the one you call the painted one, makes for me. By the way, that paint is actually ink. Those are drawings punched into his skin with needles."</li>
<li>Angus: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! OOOOOOOWWWWW!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Knock it off Angus. What a wuss! By the way guys, the fierce little one is called Joan."</li>
<li>Bob: "So, how come Sherlock calls her Watson and not Joan?"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Not really sure. But she seems to like it that way. When he does call her Joan, she always looks worried. You can't figure these two legged types out. They really are different."</li>
<li>Angus: "What about the rest?"</li>
<li>Bob: "Boy, are they a weird bunch!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Unique, not weird. Sherlock calls them his irregulars."</li>
<li>Bob: "I think they got a medicine for that."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Just what I need, a comedian. You guys want to know about the irregulars or not?"</li>
<li>Angus: "Yeah, I don't get around much."</li>
<li>Bob: "Me neither Clyde. You're the only one with legs, and the only one they really talk to."</li>
<li>Angus: "Sherlock used to talk to me but that ended when the little black haired one came along. Something about animate as opposed to inanimate. Now he didn't want her to talk, just listen. I thought I was pretty good at not talking. But, then again he never looked at me like he looked at her. I guess I'll never understand these two legged types."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Gentlemen, may I continue?</li>
<li>Bob: "Who's stopin ya?"</li>
<li>Angus: "Aye"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Well, the tall, black, quiet one with the brand new baseball cap is called Alfredo. He use to steal cars, went to prison, did drugs, got sober, started consulting to insurance and car security companies and works part time for Joan and Sherlock. He and Ms Hudson are sweet on each other. What ever that means?"</li>
<li>Bob: "Yikes!"</li>
<li>Angus: "Good grief."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Wait, It gets better. Next we have Rose and Iris. They're both ex military. They are married."</li>
<li>Angus: "Wait wait wait! Two girls married to each other?"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Welcome to the twenty first century Angus. Get the sticky out of your ears!"</li>
<li>Bob: "I'm so confused."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Guys, It's really very simple. You can actually marry the person you love."</li>
<li>Bob: "Wow!!"</li>
<li>Angus: "That's a good thing."</li>
<li>Clyde: "OK. Moving forward. Rose and Iris serve as nannies, tutors, and security for Arthur. Now, Arthur is a young two legged who belongs to Joan and Sherlock. Arthur is very polite and gentle. So I don't want to hear any smart assed remarks from you two."</li>
<li>Bob: "Ok boss."</li>
<li>Angus: "As you wish M'lord."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Then there's Sean. He's the hyper one who lives on energy drinks. He's Joan's personal assistant. I have no idea what he does. His main job seems to be to talk as fast as he possibly can, carry piles of paper, and occasionally shriek 'OH MY GOD!' after a phone call. Those are the ones you see almost every day."</li>
<li>Bob: "What about the others. They kinda come and go as they please."</li>
<li>Angus: "Yeah, what about that one that writes on the walls!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Oh that's Harlen, he's some sort of maths genius. He likes to work without his clothes. He claims it helps him stay close to the numbers. There's also 'computer boy', Mason is his name, just got a PHD in computer science. He's only eighteen years old and I think he does illegal stuff on that notebook computer of his. He likes to sit on the floor, and yell, 'LIKE A BOSS!'. Not sure what that means. Then there's Captain Gregson, he's retired NYPD. He worked for Joan while Sherlock was gone. He kind of acts like their father. He's sort of a part time investigator for them. And we can't forget Pam. She use to drive a snowplow for the city, but when she retired she came to work for the Watson-Holmes. She's their driver. She's always up for a little adventure."</li>
<li>Angus: "How many more are there?"</li>
<li>Bob: "They need to get a revolving door."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Cute, Bob. While they have tons of friends and associates, the two most important ones are Mary and Lin. Mary is Joan's mom and Lin is Joan's half sister. Lin is the noisy one, she's small but can really fill a room when she comes in. She's got a heart almost as big as her mouth. Mary has some sort of memory problem that worries Joan a lot. Mary really likes Sherlock because one, he speaks Mandarin, two, he loves Joan and three, has, quote; 'the kiss of an angel and the bod of a devil', unquote. This makes Joan laugh and Sherlock blush. Joan claims that her mom has 'the hots' for Sherlock. That pretty well covers the Watson-Holmes crew here at the Brownstone."</li>
<li>Voice: "Hey dumbo, leaving the best for last? Or are you just wallowing in your vast sea of ignorance?"</li>
<li>Bob: "Who said that?"</li>
<li>Angus: "The buzzing just got louder. I think I'm going to faint."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Get a grip guys, I think I know who's talking!"</li>
<li>Voice: "Oh goody, something with a brain!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Gentlemen, I believe we are in the presence of the boss bee!"</li>
<li>Voice: "Queen! Idiot!"</li>
<li>Bob: "I'd curtsy but I have no legs."</li>
<li>Angus: "Well, I'd bow, but I don't have a waist."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Geez, this, this is like a cross between 'the Wizard of Oz' and 'Alice in Wonderland' . I think I need a nap. I feel a migraine coming on."</li>
<li>Queen: "And you wonder why we Eugassia Watsonia never speak to you. You stooges are beyond help. I don't understand why Queen Joan puts up with you three things and that drone of hers."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Now wait just a second. I assume you mean Sherlock when you say 'Joan's drone'. Well that drone is the one who created you guys. he cross bred you, in the process of trying solve colony collapse. I think you should show at least a little respect. We're his friends and he's ours!"</li>
<li>Queen: "My my my! Touchy. Well I do appreciate loyalty. And, I know Queen Joan has spoken of you all with affection."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Oh and by the way your bigmouthedness! We are not just things! We are friends. You're welcome to join. I think we might even learn something from each other."</li>
<li>Queen: "Well said turtle."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Tortoise, Horsfield's Tortoise, family Testudinidae, or scientific name Testudo horsfieldii!"</li>
<li>Queen: "Easy big fella."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Well, you're not the only one around here with a fancy scientific name. And by the by, why are your minions flying in and out of Angus' head? It's driving him loco!"</li>
<li>Queen: "We're using him as a school. Would you like us to pay rent?"</li>
<li>Bob: "Is that what they call HIRE education?"</li>
<li>Angus: "Verrrrry punny!"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Will you two knock it off !!!! Adults at work here."</li>
<li>Queen: "Are they always like this?"</li>
<li>Clyde: "Short answer, YES! Now what about Angus' head."</li>
<li>Queen: "We have been using his head as a training facility for our young. They learn to build combs and produce honey in a weather proof, climate controlled environment."</li>
<li>Clyde: 'Sorry, your highandmightness but Angus needs his head back. And we need some peace and quiet. Angus wining sounds too much like one of those infernal bagpipes!"</li>
<li>Queen: "Quite so. Well we have just about filled the void between his ears. When that's complete, I'm sure Clio will gently empty him, clean him, and put a cork in it!"</li>
<li>Bob: "Who's Clio!"</li>
<li>Angus: "Do you have any idea how stupid I'm going to look with a cork sticking out of my head?"</li>
<li>Bob: "Is anybody paying any attention to me? WHO IS CLIO?!!!!!!</li>
<li>Queen: "Clio is the given name of she who you refer to as Ms Hudson. For your edification, Clio was the Greek muse of history. She is usually shown with a scroll or a book. Most appropriate for an autodidact."</li>
<li>Bob: "Auto what? She's in the car racquet with Alfredo?"</li>
<li>Queen: "Clyde, I know not how you tolerate these two. Sorry must buzz off. Au revoir. Ha Ha, ta ta."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Well guys, in spite of that close encounter of the worst kind, those bees are really important to our ecosystem, and thus to us. And besides, Sherlock created them and they and Joan have some kind of special bond. Soooo, they're part of the family. We may not be a typical family, but we are family. We're a family that was built not born. But, we are a family! We each make our own small contribution to the whole. We may not agree or get along with each other all the time, but we do love each other. And that's what family is all about. Now, I need a nap! I'm going in my house and I don't want to hear a thing."</li>
<li>Bob: "Loveya man."</li>
<li>Angus: "Sleep well bro."</li>
<li>Clyde: "Back at ya guys."</li>
<li>END (For Now)</li>
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